Biologically Normal Infant Sleep
I’m not sure why this isn’t spoken about more but I’m coming to the realization little by little of how much education just really ISN’T out there for new moms on biological sleep norms. I’ve run into so many news moms lately, just desperate for the “answer” on why their baby won’t sleep/doesn’t want to be put down and what THEY (as the mom) are doing wrong. I just want to tell them ALL the things, but in hopes of not overwhelming them, I try to remind them their baby is doing exactly what they should be and that she (mom) is doing wonderfully.
So in case you have a friend who is a new mom or will be soon, share this post with them.
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Biological Sleep Norms
Your baby is biologically designed to wake frequently. This is because they need to feed frequently (their stomachs are TINY). It is also a protective factor against SIDS! We don’t want new babies sleep for long, deep stretches of sleep. We want them to rouse.
Your baby is establishing your breastfeeding supply at this point, as well. Frequent nursing sessions are the norm and will help your body establish a consistent breastfeeding supply.
Your baby may have nights and days mixed up. This is normal. Circadian rhythm starts to set in around 12 weeks.
Your baby may not want to put down- when awake OR asleep. Your baby is born with only 25% of their adult brain size in tact- this makes them INCREDIBLY immature. Human babies actually complete their gestational period on the outside, making them “extero gestators”- and they thrive through touch, warmth, sounds, food, etc.
Feeding to sleep is NORMAL. Babies were actually biologically designed to fall asleep at the breast to protect them from predators. In the caveman days, this is how moms shushed babies instantly when predators were nearby. Your newborn baby doesn’t know we are no longer in the caveman days. You don’t have to fight against them falling asleep at your breast. It’s normal, and most of the time- it works. Use it, mama.
Sleep “Tools”
The only thing I’m going to say here is that ALL the things you see advertised to you (moving bassinets, swings, swaddles, infant loungers, the list goes on) are meant to make you think you and your baby NEED them for better sleep. The thing is, you don’t. YOU have everything you need for that baby. If you can’t afford them, or aren’t sure if you really want them- don’t worry. You’re good. Investing in a newborn photographer or postpartum doula is so. much. more. worth. your. time/finances.
Let go of Expectations
There is SOOO much information out there, and a lot of it I don’t love. A few key ones I would avoid:
The “eat, play, sleep” method. Meaning your baby will eat, then play, then sleep & repeat. I feel this is one of the most stressful messages to new moms. If your baby likes this routine, great. But many babies won’t. First, many babies want to be fed to sleep (see above). Second, MANY babies will cluster feed, especially at night. Tune into what YOUR baby is telling you.
Bedsharing is harmful. Man, do I hate this one AND I also subscribed right into this fear when I was a new Mom. I said I would NEVER bedshare. When our daughter went through a rough 4 mo progression, we tried EVERYTHING. What worked? Bedsharing. I researched how do this safely and never looked back.
The need to put baby down for fear of “spoiling" him/her. I’m sorry, what? What are we spoiling the baby with? Love? Comfort? Just no. Whoever is perpetuating this one, please stop. Mamas, hold your babies as much as you want.
Independent babies are NOT the gold standard. Your baby should rely on you, almost fully. This is normal.
Prioritizing YOUR Sleep
So yes, your baby waking in the night is NORMAL and there are things you can do to prioritize your own sleep and well-being.
Take shifts with your partner. Just because you are breastfeeding, doesn’t mean you have to be the one to get up every time. Your partner can take a middle of the night shift, and just bring the baby to your breast. Practice side-lying nursing and let baby latch while your partner supervises. You can remain mostly asleep. Your partner can then do the changing and putting baby back to sleep.
Have your partner do nighttime or morning- meaning you go to sleep after a feeding and let your partner take care of the rest of the nighttime care/routine. Or, in the morning when baby wakes- feed and then hand the baby over to your partner so you can get a few more hours of rest.
Please, please- sleep when the baby sleeps. Let go of the need to do all the housework. If you just can’t rest without getting it done, hire help, find your village, get your partner or family to help. But when your baby is sleeping, if you are tired, you should also be sleeping.
If this information helps you, and you want more- I have an in-person all about sleep (from age 0-1) class coming up on June 14th, 6-8 pm at Root & Rise Collective in Mesa, AZ.
Send me an email if you have more questions: lauren@holisticmamasleep.com
or
Sign up here: https://www.holisticmamasleep.com/classes