Nora’s Sleep- Year 1
I have to admit, when I was in the thick of it (aka the first year of my daughter’s life), I loved to hear others' experiences with their children's sleep and how it progressed. I think I was mostly looking for camaraderie, people who had been through what I was going through & had made it to the other side! That being said, it is also important to acknowledge that every. single. baby. is different, and they all start sleeping longer stretches when THEY are ready.
So here it is:
Nighttime Sleep, before 4 months
Nora was born at a birth center at 6:22pm and we were home in our own living room by 10:30 that night (story for another post). From her first night home, she slept in 4-5 hour blocks, always (at night). When my husband & I were both home on maternity/paternity leave, we would stay up until midnight and then do a feed and put her to bed. She would wake between 4&5 , and again between 9&10. As she got older, and up until 3 months old, she lengthened this stretch of sleep up to 8 hours. I can remember the first time she slept 8 hours at about 6 weeks old- I rushed out of bed at 7am when I woke up, worried about why she hadn’t woken yet. I won’t lie… I was living the good life & I had no idea. I was on maternity leave and would stay up until 1am just getting in my alone time because I knew she likely wouldn’t wake after I went to bed, so there was no need to rush to bed and get sleep. She was sleeping in her bedside bassinet during this time.
At 3 months she started to become a bit more wakeful, usually waking twice over night. She would do a longer stretch at first, then wake twice later in the night. She would still go right back down in her bassinet after.
Daytime Sleep. Before 4 months
Daytime sleep was a different story. As a newborn, during the first month she, of course, slept often and a lot. Mostly being held by me, dad, or in the wrap. She did not like to be put down. Once she hit around 1 month old, she became the queen of the 41 minute nap, and I think by 3 months this was the longest she would nap for. I wasn’t aware at first that short naps were super normal, but eventually learned that they were. At 4 months old she was taking 5 41 min naps a day. It became a joke because we knew she would wake up at 41 minutes, every time.
Nighttime Sleep, After 4 months
The night before Nora turned 4 months old, we flew on an overnight flight from Maui to Phx. She slept the entire time with no issues. The next night, she woke up… a lot. I can remember being like, wait, this is weird? We were sure it was time change issues. As soon as we would get her back down, she would wake back up. And then this happened again a second night… and a third. And eventually we realized that this was not a time change issue, but she had hit her 4 month sleep progression literally on the day she turned 4 months. And I’ll tell you…. It lasted for 3 whole months.
The first month was tough. She would wake 45 minutes after going to bed and then be up continuously from there, sometimes sleeping an hour, but mostly sleeping 20-40 minutes at a time. We tried so many things, thinking switching her from the bassinet to the pack n play would help, even desperately trying out the merlin suit (which I wouldn’t typically recommend), thinking she was cold, hot, hungry, the list goes on. Really… She was just fighting separation. She wanted to be with me, or my husband, and when we put her back down in the pack n play, she would wake.
I remember so many nights going to bed at 7:30/8 just to get a couple hours of sleep in, and then switching shifts with my husband. One of my best friends offered to come over one night and do the wakes so my husband and I could sleep. We kind of just survived, I don’t even really know how. After about a month, I was doing the early morning shift (like 2am on) and often would fall asleep with her in bed with me and realized….she never woke (complete opposite of being in her pack n play). So we looked up safe bedsharing (safe sleep 7) & read this book, all the while I was taking my baby led sleep certification course and getting fantastic education on safe bedsharing.
Our new plan looked like this:
Nora to bed around 7:30
One of us would go comfort her back to sleep during her false start (45 min after going to sleep); this one was usually easy (on the nights it was hard, I would get into bed early with her and bring my phone & headphones and would watch a show)
She would sleep until 9:30/10 and then wake and I’d bring her into bed with me for the rest of the night. She would usually only wake one time this way. I’d breastfeed her back to sleep.
My husband would take her when she woke in the morning. I was often still tired in the morning from not sleeping as soundly through the night- and I would get an extra hour or two of sleep at that time. We were both working from home at this time, so this worked well for us.
This lasted until she turned 7 months, and then just as quickly as she had started the sleep progression, it was over. She stopped having false starts and would typically sleep 4-6 hours for her first stretch of sleep. I’ll never forget the first time she slept through the entire night. She was 7 months and a couple days old and we had to wake at 5am for a flight. She had gone to bed at 8 the night before and at 515 was still asleep in her pack n play. It felt like a miracle. She still did not consistently sleep 10+ hours alone in her bed until 11 months.
From 7-11 months she just started slowly lengthening the amount of time that she would stay asleep in her pack n play during her first stretch of sleep. I always brought her into bed with me upon her first wake and she typically remained asleep in bed with me for the rest of the night. I had been breastfeeding her back to sleep, but right around 7.5 months she also stopped wanting that and could be comforted back to sleep with just a cuddle.
When Nora was just shy of 11 months old, she one night slept 12 hours alone in her pack n play. And then did it again, and again- and now at 14 months she has done it (almost) every night since.
Daytime Sleep, After 4 months
Nora continued on the 41 minute nap train until she turned 8 months old, when she started lengthening her naps in an unpredictable pattern. They typically ranged from 1-2 hours, although sometimes less and sometimes up to three hours. Nora transitioned naps early, she was on 5 at 4 months, dropping to 3 by 5 months and 2 by 7 months. After 4 months she napped pretty predictably in her own space, although occasionally had a car, wrap or stroller nap.
Sleep at 1 year old
Nora transitioned to one nap when she turned one, and she generally sleeps 2 hours a day. She sleeps in her crib. We rock/feed her to sleep & then put her down into the crib.
After Nora started sleeping 12 hours a night at 11 months old, she has not stopped or had any noticeable change during the 12 month progression or any leaps etc. The only times she has gotten up in the night have been when sick (hand foot & mouth) or when teething. So, in 4 months, she has woken up 4 times. She has come into my bed with me each time.
Summary:
I think the most important information to take from my personal story is that I did all the “things” that traditional sleep trainers will tell you not to do. We fed her to sleep, both day and night, we held her in our arms and then put her down into her own sleep space (who else loves the stories that sleep trainers tell about needing to fall asleep and wake up in the same exact place so we don’t get freaked out?), we bed shared, we responded to every cry- and despite all of these things which society tells you will create a dependent child who will sleep with you until they go to college- Nora started sleeping through the night, in her own space, when she was ready and felt comfortable. She can soothe herself back to sleep now, after learning that Mom/Dad will come when needed. So, parents- my lesson is: do what feels right, drown out the rest- by responding to your baby you are not doing anything wrong.